Lynn and Daniel, her adult son, are sitting side-by-side. After mentioning his tubing trip, she asks, “did you go alone?” He enthusiastically answers, “yes.”
“Were other people there?” she asks.
He answers, “No, it was a very quiet day.”
Silence.
Daniel goes on to describe the water level and pace of the river.
He missed it – Lynn’s real question.
And she still hasn’t asked it.
But, I heard it.
I interject. “Your mom isn’t interested in the river. What she’s asking is if you are safe tubing alone.” She and I make eye contact. She’s smiling, nodding and clearly appreciating someone not only hearing her, but giving voice to her true message.
TALK TIP: LISTENING
Listening is not about being quiet. Instead, it’s hearing through all your senses the true message beyond and below what someone is saying. When you are really hearing someone:
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You’ll see facial expressions.
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You’ll hear an emotional tone, a sigh or pause.
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You’ll notice the space between the words and response.
There’s a whole world of communication going on just below the surface.