The Illuminator's Gift

My grandfather, Papa Sam, immigrated from Poland and never missed a day at Barton’s Department Store in Selma, Alabama.


At 80, when he could no longer stand for long stretches, he took a seat by the front door. Not to rest—but to greet.
 

He didn’t just say, “Welcome to Barton’s.” He lit up when you walked in. He said your name. He asked about your mother, your son’s wedding, or how your tomatoes were doing this year.
 

He was a gracious host with a generous authority.

David Brooks, in How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen, calls people like Papa Sam Illuminators—those who help others feel known, valued, and understood.

Brooks writes:

There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen.

And here’s the beautiful part: when you offer your presence—your full attention—you might notice a smile, a softening, or a spark in someone’s eyes.

That spark? It often reflects right back to you.

TALK TIP

Be an Illuminator.

1. Make a deliberate decision to offer your attention.
   Life moves quickly. Choose to slow down. Look up from your phone. Look someone in the eye. Let your attention signal, “You matter.”

2. Cultivate an explorer’s heart.
   Stay curious. I once complimented a cashier’s necklace. Five minutes later, I knew she grew up on Long Island, was Jewish, and adored musical theater.

3. Ask one more question.
   When a conversation begins—don’t rush it. Follow your curiosity. A second question often opens the door to something meaningful.

4. Be a gracious host.
   Yo-Yo Ma says, “When I’m on stage, you are my guest.” Whether someone enters your office, Zoom room, or a casual conversation—make them feel welcome.

To seeing—and being seen.

—Barrie